Today

All week I've been thinking about what I wanted to write about today. See, today holds a special significance for me because a year ago from today, my life felt, and was, so very different.

Last year, on the Sunday of this past week, I was a nervous wreck. I was such a wreck that I had manually destroyed every split end on my head and was determining whether I needed to call my doctor for an ambien refill.

Last year, on the Monday of this past week, I received a phone call from a firm recruiter who told me that the job opportunity that I had a pretty good feeling about, was no longer a possiblity.

Last year, on the Tuesday of this past week, I received a phone call from a different firm recruiter telling me that their firm wanted to fly me in for an interview asap.

Last year, on the Wednesday of this past week, I went surfing with Josh in an attempt to de-stress. After being in the water 30 minutes, I burst into tears, overwhelmed by emotion and hoping that the salt water would hide my pain. Three hours later, as I rode my last wave in, I lost control of my board and ended up breaking my nose. Accordingly, we spent the evening in urgent care.

Last year, on the Thursday of this past week, I was hopped up on vicodin and lying under a layer of ice packs. I was still stressed, but at this point, felt more numb.

Last year, on this Friday night, I hovered over Karen as she typed in my i.d. number. When the screen appeared, I couldn't even bring myself to read it. She screamed, "YOU PASSED!" and a feeling of relief swept over me like I had never felt before. We celebrated with champagne and I remember waking up the next day and rushing to my computer to re-type in my i.d. number and verify that the dream-like experience from the night before was true and not some vicodin-induced illusion.

Last year, this Friday night qualified as being one of the happiest days of my life. (For the record, it is still in the Top 5 all-time happiest days of my life. Right up there next to my wedding day and Lola's birthday.) Passing the bar exam provided validation that the past four years of my life. Going to law school was worth it. Going to grad school was worth it. It was all worth it and everything was going to be OK.

Tonight, I type from a different place. Tonight, I'm a lawyer and a mother. But, right now, I am also teetering on the edge of unemployment. A different year and a different rollercoaster.

More likely than not, I'll receive a layoff notice in the mail on Monday. It won't be effective for 120 days and there is the possibility it may be rescinded, but it puts me in a position that I don't want to be in: the unknown.

Oh, instability at its best.

Because I am ultimately in denial of what my future job status may be, today, I chose to do something that would make me happy. I went shopping.

I bought Lola this adorable swimsuit and an even more adorable hat. :)








I'm a sucker for baby butt ruffles :)



I may not be ready for swimsuit season, but she surely is.