Learning How to Give

Big picture concepts are difficult to teach to a toddler. In November, I struggled to explain gratitude to Lola in terms that she could understand.  As I told her about why we celebrated Thanksgiving, I tried to explain what it meant to be grateful for the people in our lives. I ended our conversation by saying, "Are you thankful for mommy and daddy?" And then, for the weeks that followed, when anyone would ask her what she was thankful for, she would parrot "I am thankful for my mommy and daddy." Occasionally, she would also add, "And my toys!"

Last week, we talked about charity. I told her that there was a little girl who had a Christmas tree, but had no presents to open. I explained that we were going to the store to buy a gift for this little girl and that we were going to give it to someone that could deliver it to the little girl for us.

At first, Lola did not like the idea of buying a toy for someone else. Whenever I would mention what we were going to do, she would say, "No! I want the toy!" And then, I would remind her why it was important for us to buy a toy for this little girl.

After an entire of week of this conversation, we went to the store. We walked up and down the aisles filled with toys. After what seemed like eternity, Lola picked out her gift:  A yellow bicycle helmet with Transformer characters on it. I asked her, just to clarify, if that was indeed the gift she wanted to give to a little girl. She said, yes.

So, we purchased the helmet, and found a Toys-for-Tots drop off site. It was located in a large parking lot, at the corner of a busy intersection.  I found a parking spot, took Lola out of the car, and walked over to a soldier. As I gave the helmet to Lola, I told her that this man was going to give the helmet to a little girl for her. Lola quickly handed the helmet over to the soldier.  Then, I asked him if I could take a photo. He kindly obliged.

(Lola was a little overwhelmed and refused to smile for the photo.)  As we got back into the car, I wondered to myself, if she really understood what it meant to give to others.  A few minutes into our drive, she said my name in a quiet voice.

"Mommy?"
"Yes, Lola?"
"That man is going to give the helmet to a little girl?"
"Yes, honey. He is."

Three years ago, I was a bride and he was a groom.

I choose you

To be no one other than yourself,

Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I don't yet know

I will strive to be worthy of your love and respect.

I will support you and embrace your support.

I promise before God and these witnesses to live in truth with you, and to communicate fully and fearlessly.

I promise to grow with you, face changes with you, overcome obstacles with you, and enjoy laughter with you.

You are my best friend and partner, and I will be your companion as we begin the journey of our life together.

September 1, 2007

Two years ago, the only element of the day outside of my control was the temperature.

It was 94 degrees in La Jolla, California, but I was thrilled.

September 1, 2007 still holds the number 1 spot on the "Happiest Days of My Life" list.

Following closely behind in the respective number 2 and number 3 spots are May 16, 2008 (the day I found out I passed the Bar Exam) and February 7, 2009 (Lola's birth). Why Lola's birth ranks third is a matter that will be discussed in a later post. And, side note to the side note, if you don't keep a "Happiest Days of My Life" mental list going, I strongly recommend that you start. This list really helps when you think you are experiencing one of the worst days of your life.

But, back to 09.01.07.

After 5 years of dating and 2 years of engagement, Josh and I decided to exchange wedding vows before our family and friends.

The ceremony was beautiful, the music was one-of-a-kind, the food was delicious, and I wore the most amazing gown. Seriously. I would just about anything to wear it again. ANYTHING. I mean, how often do you own something that is red carpet worthy?

For anyone who is not sick of my yapping, and would like to see the video that was shown at our reception, click here and you will not be disappointed.

As for today, it was relatively uneventful. Lola and I woke early and I took her to the park to play with other babies while Josh slept in (sometimes the best gifts can't be wrapped). Then, we took Lola to a doctor appointment where we were challenged by her pediatrician to guess her weight. The professional baby-handler, i.e. Dr. G, won while we both failed miserably. After the appointment, we ate lunch and then stopped by a local Italian bakery for a cannolli.

During lunch Josh and I talked about how quickly the past two years had gone by. How on our wedding day, we could have never guessed what our lives would like today in 2009. How, while, seemingly off-course we might sometimes feel, things are going just right.

Today

All week I've been thinking about what I wanted to write about today. See, today holds a special significance for me because a year ago from today, my life felt, and was, so very different.

Last year, on the Sunday of this past week, I was a nervous wreck. I was such a wreck that I had manually destroyed every split end on my head and was determining whether I needed to call my doctor for an ambien refill.

Last year, on the Monday of this past week, I received a phone call from a firm recruiter who told me that the job opportunity that I had a pretty good feeling about, was no longer a possiblity.

Last year, on the Tuesday of this past week, I received a phone call from a different firm recruiter telling me that their firm wanted to fly me in for an interview asap.

Last year, on the Wednesday of this past week, I went surfing with Josh in an attempt to de-stress. After being in the water 30 minutes, I burst into tears, overwhelmed by emotion and hoping that the salt water would hide my pain. Three hours later, as I rode my last wave in, I lost control of my board and ended up breaking my nose. Accordingly, we spent the evening in urgent care.

Last year, on the Thursday of this past week, I was hopped up on vicodin and lying under a layer of ice packs. I was still stressed, but at this point, felt more numb.

Last year, on this Friday night, I hovered over Karen as she typed in my i.d. number. When the screen appeared, I couldn't even bring myself to read it. She screamed, "YOU PASSED!" and a feeling of relief swept over me like I had never felt before. We celebrated with champagne and I remember waking up the next day and rushing to my computer to re-type in my i.d. number and verify that the dream-like experience from the night before was true and not some vicodin-induced illusion.

Last year, this Friday night qualified as being one of the happiest days of my life. (For the record, it is still in the Top 5 all-time happiest days of my life. Right up there next to my wedding day and Lola's birthday.) Passing the bar exam provided validation that the past four years of my life. Going to law school was worth it. Going to grad school was worth it. It was all worth it and everything was going to be OK.

Tonight, I type from a different place. Tonight, I'm a lawyer and a mother. But, right now, I am also teetering on the edge of unemployment. A different year and a different rollercoaster.

More likely than not, I'll receive a layoff notice in the mail on Monday. It won't be effective for 120 days and there is the possibility it may be rescinded, but it puts me in a position that I don't want to be in: the unknown.

Oh, instability at its best.

Because I am ultimately in denial of what my future job status may be, today, I chose to do something that would make me happy. I went shopping.

I bought Lola this adorable swimsuit and an even more adorable hat. :)








I'm a sucker for baby butt ruffles :)



I may not be ready for swimsuit season, but she surely is.